he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
