i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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