How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
