My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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