the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
