As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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