She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
