return my video game
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
