I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
