Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
