you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
