Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
