Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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