she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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