it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
