you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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