Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
