WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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