We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
