Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love having hate sex.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
