yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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