It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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