1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
