Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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