my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
