this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
