you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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