dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
