i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
