the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my penis had an off switch
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
