Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
BRING THE BAGELS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
