Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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