all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
