mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
