just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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