Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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