I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
