So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
