false alarm. still invincible.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
