You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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