i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
