i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
