I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
