I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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