So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
