since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
