one might say we're banned from that church
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
