Whod you bang
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
