You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
