i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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