I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
