My room smells like vodka and shame
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
