Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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