if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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