ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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