my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My breasts were aching with rage.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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