If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
