just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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