He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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