I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we should paint friendship bongs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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