ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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