I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
