ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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