it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
