dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
