On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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