yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
