I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Randomize