haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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