Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
